Don't Look At Me
by akiko-dono
Summary: God, she wanted to call him Jack. She wanted him to just hold her close and make the world and the regulations disappear in his embrace. But no. Not gonna happen. Dammit life sucked sometimes. SJ oneshot


**Why I wrote it:** Short and shippy. Needed something to do, and I need to get a few of my own feelings out. So this will be from Sam's POV.

'_text'_ thoughts

"text" dialogue

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Normal day, normal life, another day where she couldn't stand to meet his eyes. Ever since she'd met him there had been a certain…tension between them. Casual flirting. Darting glances. A certain smile creeping out from her involuntarily. Damn his sarcasm sometimes. But things had changed…she'd started dating Pete. And yeah, like hell was he a Jack O'Neill, but she couldn't have what she really wanted. And she'd finally come to terms with that, as much as it sucked.

So there she sat, staring blankly at her desk, rubbing her fatigued eyes and trying to squeeze the last drop of coffee from her cup. The clock on her desk beeped. 0300 hours. Great. She glanced at herself in the mirror. _'Maybe I do need some sleep'_. The thought was driven from her head when she heard the door open and a soft knock as an afterthought. She smirked before she heard the casual greeting.

"Hiya Carter."

"Hey, Sir."

God, she wanted to call him Jack. She wanted him to just hold her close and make the world and the regulations disappear in his embrace. But no. Not gonna happen. _Dammit_ life sucked sometimes.

"Still working?" he walked to stand behind her, as to look at what she was scribbling on.

"You could say that."

He loved it; he really was rubbing off on her. Sarcasm was an acquired talent for this blond astrophysicist. _'Really _hot_ blond astrophysicist'_, Jack thought, knowing by just admitting that he was dancing on the ever thin and oh-so-bold line of the frat rules.

"Anything I can do to help?"

'_You could distract me, you're _so_ good at that'_, Sam thought, reconsidering her answer in her head. "Not really, sir, thanks though," a small pause, "What's keeping you here?"

"Hammond finally realized the mound of paperwork on my desk."

"Ah."

"Yep."

"Playing hooky?"

"It's what I'm good at."

She could hear the glint in his eyes…she knew him too well. Putting her pen down, she turned to him for the first time since he'd entered. The smile on both their faces dimmed as the intensity of a glance washed over them. Jack's brown eyes seemed mirrored, reflecting whatever she wanted to see. What she saw was caring. Compassion. A hint of concern…and was that wistful in there? No, she was imagining things. She needed to get back to work. But why was it that she couldn't bring herself to end this staring contest? A battle of wills was really what it was. Who would win? And what would the outcome be if she gave in?

'_Too many questions…this needs to stop, you're losing it, Sam. Say something!'_

Her voice was but a whisper, weaker than she'd meant it to sound.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

Wry sarcasm pained her ears. "Don't bait me, Jack."

Surprise filled his face. "Bait you? What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about, sir!"

'_Well, you got one "Jack" from her. That's…progress…' _

"Carter, I'm just looking at you."

"You're not _just_ looking, you're confusing the crap out of me!"

"Carter, maybe you just need some sleep."

"No. What I need is to know what the hell is going on with you! One minute you're so close to me and the next you might as well be off world!"

His stare never wavered, as his eyes grew more thoughtful, harder to turn away. He was saddened by this news. _'Good, he should be'_ But no…there really was something different there. His mirrored eyes looked as if they might cry. No. Not Jack. Not her Jack.

'_But he's not _your_ Jack! You're with Pete'_

She sighed deeply, feeling sorry for hurting him. She returned to her original plea as she met his gaze once more. "Please don't look at me like that."

Was…was he leaning in? Coming closer? No, he couldn't be.

"Don't look at me…"she whispered. The face she loved smiled.

"Then close your eyes. I'm not stopping."

Half-lidded though they were, she wasn't at all opposed to this idea. His mouth brushed against hers, as if testing the waters. Sam took the rest of the initiative, claiming his lips in an act of need. Her fingers raked through his hair once, his palm pressed hard against her cheek. A soft moan escaped her lips as his tongue slipped into her mouth, exploring every inch of it. Rising from where she sat, she found herself pressed against the opposite wall. Her body melted into his as his left hand slipped under her shirt, caressing the smooth skin on her back. He moved to her neck, nudging away the material of her BDUs to find her collarbone, her shoulder. She arm encircled his head, holding him against her skin. God, this felt so good. He moved back up to her lips, but lingered there only a moment before he stopped.

'_No…no don't do this, I can't deal with what'll happen with you gone…'_

"Sam…I'm sorry."

"What? Why?"

"Because…I'm not good at this sort of thing, but…I know you're with Pete now and…well I think I just needed to say goodbye. So…thanks."

She couldn't help but let a tear slip at his earnestness. "Is that what you think this is? Goodbye?"

"It's not?"

"No…I could never give you up. I tried but…Pete's nothing compared to…"

She didn't have to finish it. Jack was determined not to let any tears fall. The alternative? Kissing any objection or doubt from her lips. He liked this alternative. He spoke into their kiss.

"I still love you."

"I know."

"How?"

She nosed him away, gazing into his genuinely confused eyes. "I've always loved you, Jack. You had no other option."

He smirked, and she smiled a genuine, 100-watt Samantha Carter smile.

Jack encircled her waist, allowing himself the feel the ecstasy of her arms around his neck. He kissed her once, validating the realness of this before going back to his wonderfully sarcastic nature.

"So, Major, care to check out the cots in this place?"

She laughed at him as he waggled his eyebrows. She took him by the hand and started to lead him out of the room. "This way, Jack."

Damn, it was good to say that.

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Okay, so I liked it. Dunno about you guys until you review! Hope it's good enough for ya:D

-akiko-dono


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